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Condemnation
Today during worship, God spoke to me very softly. And if I would have only opened my mouth, He would have spoke through me saying: "Who do you choose to worship this day. Your praises have have come up and have been heard but who do you worship on THIS day. For haven't I given you fruitful ground in which to plant seed? Haven't I provided all that which you have needed? Haven't I raised you up from the pit you were once in? Yet I must ask, who do choose this day?" And I stood there feeling condemned not only because I didn't speak but because of the last few weeks and the things that I have been dealing with. But God saw this and used another brother as the vessel to speak through and His word was heard. If God would have had a bat in His hand, I'd have one heck of a knot on the back of my head. But all was well with the service and it spoke to my heart and probably most in His house.
Well it's been almost three weeks since a Nugget has gone out. So, to be totally transparent, some of my past has been haunting me in my dreams, bringing back memories; both good and bad. Of course the good tasted very good and I found myself wondering where I would be if I hadn't seen that cross on the hill top and I hadn't said those life changing words, "OK God, I give up. What shall I do."
You see, I recently found out that the other woman (pre-salvation) now lives not far from here and I found myself wondering how she is doing, how her son is, did she ever marry, and so forth. I even went so far as to use one of the web sites to search her name to find the address. And during all of this, I was feeling condemned as to why I should even continue with these Nuggets. I sat here and wondered if anyone was even reading them and taking them to heart. "Who cares" the enemy tossed into one ear. "These men are don't care, they see the "update e-mail" and toss them in the Spam folder." And to add insult to injury, the enemy was taunting me as to the lack of intimacy between my wife and I since my surgery.
Ah, but for Jesus!
Talk about shoving a horses bit into my mouth and yanking back on the reins saying "Whoa there boy, what in My name are you doing?" Conviction yes, condemnation no. Yet just allowing this feeling of condemnation to overcome me began infesting my family and I saw the vicious circle beginning to emerge . So I contacted one of my accountability brothers and let him know some of what had been happening and he was able to shed some light that helped gird me from additional attacks.
Today, when I got home from church, I did a search for "condemn" in the NIV Bible and in fact, there are 76 times where the word "condemn" is used. However, this one from John 8 not only spoke to me as being relevant to my situation, but should also speak to you as you face these same types life challenges.
Valiant Men of God, the enemy will do whatever he can to put situations between you and Him. He'll bring temptation to the forefront of your life, try to take a jackhammer to the foundation He has built for you, bring doubt to whether you are being fruitful and faithful over the little, put thoughts of condemnation into your head ,and place strife between you and your wife. But as you just heard, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone ..." Not me, on this day, I choose to serve the Lord and as such, this ministry continues. God gives grace and blessings to those who are steadfast and faithful over the little. God even says that He will give to you whatever you ask that your heart truly desires; and for me, I truly want to use the physical voice that God has given me to not only provide for my family, but to speak His word as well. I figure it this way, if just one man reads these Nuggets and is changed because God has touched his heart, then my job as God's servant is done because it's not the quantity that counts to God, it's where my heart is at and how I am connected with Him that counts
And by the way, as for the other woman, I never did contact her ... that's God's job!
Until next time, keep
your eyes on Jesus !
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